


never stop losing you

by ephemeraldt



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Unrequited Love, orpheus and eurydice au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:42:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27717643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemeraldt/pseuds/ephemeraldt
Summary: Yubin ferries the recently deceased to their final resting place. Yoohyeon arrives earlier than expected.
Relationships: Kim Yoohyeon/Lee Siyeon, Kim Yoohyeon/Lee Yubin | Dami
Comments: 12
Kudos: 73





	never stop losing you

**Author's Note:**

> a weird little thing I wrote to get back into writing again. enjoy <3

_In the summer rain, alone I cried_

[ _I couldn't stand to think heaven was a lie_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDssQqe_f8Q)

Yubin’s memory is shallow and endless all at once. She remembers how it all began. Back in a time before kings, a time of titans. When Yubin’s mother, the goddess of the night, made a deal with the goddess of death.

Everything that came after - well, it tends to blur together. It’s been eons, after all. 

The goddess of death had called Yubin loyal and hardworking. She said Yubin had a tender spirit. She said Yubin would be perfect for the honorable position of ferrying deceased mortals to the underworld. Even back then, Yubin was familiar with the wrath of powerful gods. She knew there wasn’t much of a choice. 

So she assumed her duties in the underworld, as the captain of the world’s most depressing and enduring vessel. In the beginning, her heart ached for her passengers. On her breaks, she would collapse on the nearest flat surface, crying her heart out for them, their pain, their losses, and the emptiness in their eyes. 

But as the centuries flew by, her tender spirit eroded like a rough stone at the bottom of a riverbend. She no longer recognized the unique features in her passengers’ faces: they all seemed similar, and their stories sounded the same. She had heard every sad song a million times over. 

This is where Yubin stops remembering specifics - when they stop becoming important. 

Now, her job is just that, a job. She still hates the small talk, but figures it’s yet another boring condition of immortality. Every day is pretty much the same. Until it isn’t. 

The recently dead stand huddled together on the shadowy bank. It’s Yubin’s thirteenth trip of the day, and her mind is preoccupied thinking about the cup of coffee she’ll have as soon as her next break rolls around. She may be a god, but she’s still a servant to caffeine. 

“Alright, all aboard,” she calls into her megaphone. It’s a relatively recent addition, acquired around the 1960s, and it makes her job much easier. She’s naturally soft-spoken, and used to have to strain her voice trying to call everyone into line. “I’m Yubin, here to ferry you to your final judgment. Any questions you may have will be explained in the informational videos playing below deck.” 

The crowd filters onboard, some of them crying, most with blank faces. Yubin begins the preparations to embark, pulling the necessary ropes and levers, when she feels a tap on her shoulder. 

When she turns around, she sees a tall girl wearing a denim jacket and converse sneakers. Her hair is dyed silver, framing her small, pretty face. But what catches Yubin off-guard is the girl’s eyes. There’s the expected sadness there, sure, but beneath them is a vibrant curiosity, glittering like polished onyx. 

“I heard there was a dog,” the girl says. “Is that true?” 

“I didn’t know mortals still spoke of Cerberus,” Yubin replies. 

The girl’s eyes light up even brighter. “Oh, we do. But not like he’s something _real._ No one really believes in this whole system anymore. I mean, no offense, but I kind of just assumed my consciousness would vanish into nothing. So this is a pleasant surprise.” 

Yubin, against her better judgment, lets out a short laugh. _No offense,_ the girl said. It’s amusing. Especially since some of the more powerful gods _did_ take offense to the fact that mortals had stopped properly fearing them centuries ago. 

“Well, some would say a life in the underworld is more boring than nothingness,” Yubin says. “Not to like...rain on your parade.” The mortal saying feels awkward on her tongue. She hopes the girl doesn’t notice. 

“Are you dead?” 

“No. I can’t die.” 

“But you work down here,” the girl says, slowly. “So you’re kind of trapped here with the rest of us.”

Yubin shrugs. “It is what it is.”

“I’m Yoohyeon, by the way.” 

As the final stragglers make their way aboard, Yubin turns the ferry’s motor on. It’s another modern addition that makes the process more manageable, especially with mortal population levels increasing.

The waves of the river Styx lap at the side of the boat, as hollow as they are loud. 

“I’m going to miss being alive,” Yoohyeon says quietly. 

For the first time in years, Yubin is aware of the heart beating in her own chest. 

“How was your shift?” Gahyeon asks in the break room. Even after eternities, the fox-like girl still wears the iridescent robes of a nymph. Yubin doesn’t know what caused her to get relocated to working in the underworld, and at this point, she’s too afraid to ask. 

“It was okay,” Yubin says. And then, only because she _hates_ small talk, “I met a girl.” 

Gahyeon’s eyes light up. “Oh my _god.”_

“It’s not a big deal.” 

“Except it totally _is_. When was the last time you went on a date, again? The Bronze Age?” 

Yubin ignores the jab. “She’s a passenger, though. Recently deceased.” She wonders how Yoohyeon died. It’s considered rude to ask, but the possibilities make her chest hurt. 

“So what if she’s a mortal? That’s not unheard of.”

“I don’t do love, anyway.” 

“Please, I know you’re a romantic,” Gahyeon snorts. “You have a copy of Shakespeare’s Sonnets on your bedside table.” 

“That’s different,” Yubin says. Because it is. Mortal love is different. It burns hot and fast, like a matchstick, because there’s so little time. It’s fascinating, from a distance. And put into words, it can be beautiful.

“What’s her name?”

“Yoohyeon.”

Immediately, something in Gahyeon’s face shifts, becoming more guarded. She toys with the folds of her robes, avoiding Yubin’s eyes. 

“What is it?” Yubin asks. 

“I’m surprised you haven’t heard,” Gahyeon says. 

“Heard what?”

Gahyeon sighs. “Apparently, there’s a new arrival named Yoohyeon who is a bit of a special case. Her lover, Siyeon, is favored by the gods. And Siyeon wants Yoohyeon back. Back as in, _back alive.”_

“But that’s impossible,” Yubin protests. She can’t count the number of mortals who have tried to reverse the unbreakable laws of life and death to no avail. She thinks of kings who paid mountains of gold to mages, scholars, alchemists, all hoping to bring a loved one back to life. The only reliable result was disappointment. Once a soul set foot on Yubin’s ship, there was no turning back. Ever. 

“Maybe it is,” Gahyeon says. “But when I say favored, I mean _highly favored._ Minji is escorting Siyeon down here tomorrow. If our queens are swayed by her music the same way Minji is, then they may make Siyeon a deal.”

Minji. The goddess of love. Yubin has never actually met her in person, but she’s heard stories of her beauty and grace. “A deal,” Yubin repeats. 

“It might not have been the same Yoohyeon,” Gahyeon offers. 

But Yubin knows. She should have known, as soon as she first laid eyes on her. It was clear as day that Yoohyeon was unlike the other souls that boarded Yubin’s boat, that she was part of something greater. Yubin thinks of the unusual light in Yoohyeon’s eyes. She wonders if it’s because somewhere, far above their heads, her other half’s heart is still beating. 

Then again, she’s only the ferryman. What does she know of love. 

It isn’t long before word gets around that one lost soul was plucked out of the many. According to the rumors, the queens were keeping Yoohyeon in a spare room in the palace while they waited for Siyeon and Minji to arrive. It would be unfair to put the girl through the trials of judgment if she were going to return to the world of the living. Yubin still can’t believe such a situation is happening. 

It’s probably this - the unbelievability of it all - that Yubin finds herself in the palace after her shift ends. 

She thinks Yoohyeon must be confused, lost even. Trapped in a new place all by herself. It can get lonely in the underworld. Yubin knows that all too well. So she decided she would check on Yoohyeon. Make sure she’s doing okay. Stay in the room a minute, tops, assuming Yoohyeon is okay with it. 

There’s a nagging voice in Yubin’s head, telling her she’s doing something incredibly stupid. She pushes it away, for now. 

It isn’t hard to find the room Yoohyeon is staying in. Yubin has lived as a god in the underworld for a long time. She knows the palace like the back of her hand. She knocks on the looming, ebony door. 

“Oh! It’s you!” Yoohyeon exclaims, as she pulls it open. “From the boat!”

Yoohyeon has changed out of her street clothes into a dark gown that was likely a gift from the queens. The silk hugs her body, making her look ethereal. Yubin swallows. She shouldn’t have come. 

“I wanted to check on you,” Yubin says, even though her body feels flooded with regret. She doesn’t want to be rude. “Make sure you’re doing okay. I imagine the last few hours have been...overwhelming.” 

“That’s so sweet!” Yoohyeon exclaims. When she smiles, it takes up her entire face. “Come in!” 

The bedchamber is ornate, like all the rooms in the palace of death. High, arched ceilings held up with thick marble columns, a large bed draped in gold. Yubin notices the bed is still made. Yoohyeon must not have had much time to rest. 

“I saw the dog, by the way,” Yoohyeon says. “He was so cute.” 

“Cute isn’t usually the term mortals use to describe Cerberus,” Yubin says, allowing herself a small smile. 

“But he _was_ cute!” 

The conversation flows like water from there. Yoohyeon brings up how she died - she was bitten by a poisonous snake on a hiking trip - and seems to find some humor in the situation, which makes Yubin feel better. 

“It’s not like I’ll be staying that long here anyway,” Yoohyeon says, picking at a loose thread on the extravagant bedspread. “Siyeon is coming for me.”  
  
“I heard,” Yubin says. “Your beloved is highly favored by the gods.”  
  
“Beloved,” Yoohyeon repeats, a strange look on her face. 

“What is it?” 

“When you say it, it sounds so dramatic.” 

_Isn’t it?_ Yubin thinks. Siyeon was crossing the forbidden boundary, journeying to the end of the earth where no alive mortal had ever gone before, just to be with Yoohyeon again. All because she couldn’t stand a life where she couldn’t hold Yoohyeon’s hand every day, or kiss Yoohyeon, or make her coffee in the morning. But Yubin doesn’t say this. What she says is: 

“Love is dramatic. Or so I’ve heard.” 

“Have you ever been in love?” Yoohyeon asks. For some reason, Yubin can’t quite meet her curious gaze. 

“Never,” she says. “But it’s different for immortals.” 

“I’d imagine love would be even more dramatic for immortals, because it lasts forever.” 

Yubin thinks of the gods she knows, of their petty affairs and cruelty. “It’s not the same for us. Forever is a long time.” 

“That’s too bad,” Yoohyeon says. “Everyone deserves love.” 

_I’m not everyone,_ Yubin thinks. But she doesn’t say it. Yoohyeon’s eyes are warm and believing, and Yubin can’t bring herself to take that away. 

The next day, news of Siyeon’s arrival with Minji spreads through the underworld like wildfire. Yubin sneaks into the court to watch the event for herself. She clearly isn’t the only one - the cavernous throne room is crowded with bodies, some even muttering about how they had been waiting for hours. This is the most exciting thing to happen in the underworld since the queens were married, all those eternities ago. 

Fortunately, Yubin doesn’t have to wait long. The queens take to their thrones, and the crowd immediately goes silent. Yubin is used to their commanding presences by now. Handong, every bit the goddess of death, wears the same stone-cold expression she did the day she made the deal with Yubin’s mother. Next to her, crowned in flowers, is Handong’s wife, Queen Sua. The goddess of spring who spends half the year in the skies with her mother and half the year in the underworld, ruling the dead by her wife’s side. The couple rarely expresses affection in public, but everyone knows the deep tenderness they have for each other - it’s evident in just how much Handong loathes the summer months. 

Suspense hangs over the crowd for a few short moments. Then, suddenly, the air is filled with the scent of rose petals, vanilla, fresh rain. In a burst of gold light, two figures appear on the throne room floor. Yubin swallows. 

Minji’s beauty exceeds every myth and legend. Her features are so gorgeous that she almost looks inhuman. Although her pink gown is simple, she glows from the inside-out. Next to her is a girl with short blonde hair and sharp, wolfish features. _Siyeon_. She’s dressed casually, in a loose tee shirt and jeans, but her back is rail-straight. There’s determination in her eyes. She’s here to get what she wants. 

“Old friends,” Minji says, turning towards the queen. She does not bow - this is not her kingdom, and these are her equals. “I am delighted to visit your court.” 

“And us to have you,” Handong says. Her voice is low, but it carries across the immense throne room. 

“Let’s get on with it, shall we?” Queen Sua asks, features impassive. “We don’t have all day.” 

From a distance, Yubin thinks she sees Siyeon gulp. 

“Of course,” Minji says. She waves a hand casually, and out of nowhere, an ivory grand piano appears on the floor. Gasps echo around the throne room, as if the onlookers had never seen magic before.

“Um,” Siyeon says, bowing to the queens and then glancing over at Minji, who nods encouragingly. “I’m going to play you an original song. If it pleases you, I hope you’ll consider bringing my girlfriend back to me.”

Siyeon sits at the piano seat. She begins to play, and it’s good, but not incredible. Not death-defying. 

And then Siyeon starts to sing. 

Immediately, everything clicks into place. It’s obvious why Siyeon is so highly favored by the gods: her voice is the most beautiful sound Yubin has ever heard. She sings a mournful song, one of love and loss. The pain in her honeyed voice makes Yubin ache for her. 

Yubin thinks of Yoohyeon, and the ache intensifies. 

When Siyeon finishes playing, a silence hangs suspended in the air. Then, a sudden cry of emotion. All eyes in the room swing to the throne, where Queen Sua is clutching her chest, tears streaming down her rosy cheeks. 

Queen Handong reaches over, entangling a black gloved hand in her wife’s lap. “That performance was...exemplary.” She locks eyes with Minji, and suddenly, tension fills the room. “We will grant your wish.”

Yubin gasps, at the same time as everyone else in the room. Even after such a performance, nobody had expected the queens to be swayed so quickly. 

“But there will be a condition,” Handong clarifies. That sounds more like it, Yubin thinks. 

“A condition,” Minji repeats, a line appearing between her perfect eyebrows. 

“It’s completely reasonable considering the severity of the request,” Handong says. “After all, resuscitation should not be handled lightly.” Next to her, Sua is still visibly trying to compose herself. 

“Of course,” Minji says softly. “What did you have in mind?” 

Yoohyeon and Yubin stand at the entranceway to the passage to the mortal world. Siyeon has already started the long walk back aboveground, and per the queens’ conditions, Yubin is making sure Yoohyeon waits the appropriate amount of time before following her. 

“I’m nervous,” Yoohyeon mutters under her breath. 

“It’ll be okay,” Yubin says. “All you have to do is walk.” 

Next to her, she feels Yoohyeon take her hand and lightly squeeze it. Yubin isn’t sure when this became an acceptable thing between them, and no matter how hard she tries, she can’t deny the way her heart flutters. But this isn’t about Yubin right now. 

They wait for a few more minutes, and then Yubin gives Yoohyeon a nod of affirmation. “Here goes nothing,” Yoohyeon says. 

She lets go of Yubin’s hand and starts walking. Once she’s a couple feet up the path, she turns around. “Thanks for everything, by the way.” 

“No worries,” Yubin calls back. Her throat feels thick. 

As soon as Yoohyeon is out of sight, Yubin bolts to the top of the jagged cliff, where she can see most of the pathway from a distance. She watches tiny Siyeon, hands in her pockets, taking large strides with her shoulders set. Several yards behind, she sees tiny Yoohyeon following. 

_Almost there,_ Yubin thinks. _Don’t look back. Don’t look back. Don’t look back._

Siyeon reaches the entrance to the mortal world. The end of the path. If she just walks through, she’ll have everything. She’ll have Yoohyeon. But she pauses. And then- 

Siyeon looks back. 

Yoohyeon vanishes. 

(Yubin crumples to the ground. She knows this isn’t her love story, that it never was, but now it’s not even a love story anymore, and the thought of that is more than she knows how to bear.)

Mortals are stupid. And foolish. And wasteful with their love. 

Yubin ferries the dead back and forth. She sees souls that have given everything, or have had everything taken from them. She sees souls that have loved, and lost, because they knew it was all temporary. She sees souls like stars, vacuous space where light once was. 

Compared to them, what does she have to give? 

Yoohyeon looks pretty okay, for someone who was just yanked back into hell. Yubin had expected her to be crying. But instead, she sits on the foot of her bed in the palace, staring blankly at the wall. Yubin imagines she won’t be able to stay here much longer. Her final judgement awaits. 

“I thought maybe you could use a friend,” Yubin says. 

There’s a beat of silence. Then, Yoohyeon speaks softly. “You said it would be okay. You lied.”

“It will be okay,” Yubin says. “It’s not that bad, being down here.” 

Yoohyeon shakes her head. “You don’t get it.” 

Yubin feels something stutter in her chest. She moves to the bed, sits by Yoohyeon’s side. “I can try.”

She looks over at Yoohyeon’s face, which is empty. Apathetic. She’s still so pretty. Yoohyeon sniffs, and now, Yubin can see she's holding in tears. 

"But I don't...I don't want to be like _you,"_ Yoohyeon says softly. "I want love. I want to be in love." 

Yubin has lived forever. She can handle something small, like her heart breaking. _I can love,_ she wants to say, still. But she knows it's not the same. It's not what Yoohyeon means. So she doesn't say anything. 

Just takes Yoohyeon's hand in hers, and sits with it all. 


End file.
